"Wichita Falls' Unwritten Rules: How to Survive (and Thrive) in North Texas' Underdog City" You won't find these rules in any guidebook, but learn them fast if you want to make it in Wichita Falls:
The Whataburger Hierarchy
- After midnight, the Kemp Street location becomes the city's unofficial town square
- Never order ketchup - the Fancy Ketchup™ is a point of civic pride
- The drive-thru attendant will judge your life choices at 3 AM
Oilfield Etiquette
- Don't brag about your bonus check at the bar (but do buy a round)
- If your truck isn't dirty, you're not working hard enough
- Everyone knows someone who died on a rig - respect the stories
Military Zone Awareness
- Jet noise complaints will get you labeled "not from around here"
- Never ask https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-socialist-rally/ "So when are you getting deployed?" at parties
- The best breakfast tacos are near base gates (but cash only)
Weather Survival Code
- If the wind stops blowing, check for tornadoes immediately
- "It's a dry heat" is both a complaint and a point of pride
- Learn which underpasses flood first during storms
Social Survival Guide
- High school football allegiance determines your social circle
- Everyone has a Sheppard AFB horror story or hookup story
- The correct answer to "Red or green?" is always "Both"
Unspoken Driving Rules
- Left lane is for racing, right lane is for oilfield equipment
- The real speed limit is 9 over (except near Iowa Park)
- Honking is reserved for actual emergencies
The Walmart Economy
- Post-payday weekends are combat zones
- The pet section doubles as a dating pool
- You will eventually run into your ex in aisle 12
Dining Truths
- If a restaurant hasn't poisoned anyone in 20 years, it's "clean"
- Real Mexican food requires crossing the tracks
- The best steak isn't at a restaurant - it's at someone's backyard grill
The Oklahoma Rules
- Gas up before crossing the river (it's a matter of principle)
- OU fans are tolerated but not respected
- Texas-OU weekend is an unofficial city holiday
The Golden Rule
- Talk trash about Wichita Falls all you want...unless you're Wichita Falls Texas from Oklahoma
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By: Naomi Kramer
Literature and Journalism -- University of Washington
Member fo the Bio for the Society for Online Satire
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student Wichita Falls TX who writes with humor and purpose, her satirical journalism tackles contemporary issues head-on. With a passion for poking fun at society’s contradictions, she uses her writing https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-ranks-2-in-cheap-stuff/ to challenge opinions, spark debates, and encourage readers to think critically about the world around them.